The Cob Dog is traditionally served at the combination funeral/wedding ceremonies observed by the settlers of New Brunswick, but have caught on as haute (diggety-dog) couture amongst the hottest dudes in New Beverly Hills. They make a perfect bar snack, considering their high fiber-to-Vitamin R ratio.
While your coffee grinder is showing the candy corn what it means to be its bitch, massage the Vaseline and MSG into the violated hot dogs. Dump the contents of what’s left of the coffee grinder into a shallow, yet good-looking dish and spread evenly. Roll the slick long dogs into the mixture until thoroughly coated.
Heat baby oil in a deep pan until it starts to smell like an old hair dryer. Once the smell becomes pungent enough to alert the neighbors, plunge in those coated dogs. When the dogs begin to make a high pitch squeal, let them sit for 12 more minutes then remove all of your clothing. Once you begin to feel ashamed, let the dogs rest in an area with a view, preferably by a window, for about 10-12 weeks.
Serve reheated. If a heat lamp is not available, tuck a couple dozen into a sweatsuit and run stairs until the dogs are nice and warm.
3 lbs. Kosher hot dogsStart by penetrating the Kosher dogs at each end with a popsicle stick, and lining them up in a way that degrades and shames them. Take the Cadbury Eggs and throw them away. Then place the candy corn, salt, pimentos and whisker shavings in a coffee grinder. Turn that bad boy up to maximum grindage until you blow a fuse or something catches on fire. (If you’re a total weenie, two minutes on Armenian press should be fine.)
24 oz. candy corn
2 TBS MSG
1 tsp Vaseline
4 Cadbury Eggs
16 oz. jar of pimentos
½ cup whisker shavings from an electric razor
12 reasonably clean popsicle sticks
1 Costco-size bottle of baby oil
While your coffee grinder is showing the candy corn what it means to be its bitch, massage the Vaseline and MSG into the violated hot dogs. Dump the contents of what’s left of the coffee grinder into a shallow, yet good-looking dish and spread evenly. Roll the slick long dogs into the mixture until thoroughly coated.
Heat baby oil in a deep pan until it starts to smell like an old hair dryer. Once the smell becomes pungent enough to alert the neighbors, plunge in those coated dogs. When the dogs begin to make a high pitch squeal, let them sit for 12 more minutes then remove all of your clothing. Once you begin to feel ashamed, let the dogs rest in an area with a view, preferably by a window, for about 10-12 weeks.
Serve reheated. If a heat lamp is not available, tuck a couple dozen into a sweatsuit and run stairs until the dogs are nice and warm.
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