RECIPE: Gruel Souffle

This light and fluffy gruel dish will bring out the starving peasant in everyone.

· 12 Cups Groats
· 6 Mouldy Potatoes, small
· 1 Dead Rat, large
· 6 Pair Dirty Socks (for seasoning)
· Assorted Leather Scraps
· 6 Grouse Eggs
· 6 tbsp Flour
· 1 Stick Sweet Cream Butter
· 3 Cups Buttermilk
· 3 Cups Groulier Cheese

The day before you plan to serve the souffle, beging to prepare the gruel by boiling the Groats, Dead Rat, Dirty Socks, and Leather Scraps in a large metal cauldron. This is important, as otherwise the leather and the rat will be tough and inedible.
The next afternoon, add the Potatoes to the gruel, and begin to prepare the souffle by buttering up an earthenware casserole dish, and heating the Buttermilk. Prepare a roux by melting the butter, and beating in flour until it browns. Beat vigorously, the way you would beat a child, or you will "roux" the day you tried to make this souffle.
Once the roux is ready, add to the warmed buttermilk. To this concoction, stir in the yolks from the Grouse Eggs, followed by the Goulier, until you have a delicious cheese sauce. Now comes the tricky part. You may wish to fish the socks out of the gruel at this time as a way of procrastinating the step you are sure to ass up. Now ...
Beat those eggwhites like a motherfucker!
At this point, chastise yourself for not getting the eggwhites fluffy enough, then gently fold in the cheese sauce and the gruel. Bake for 35 minutes, and - voila! - you now have a delicious Gruel Souffle.