RECIPE: Verdigris Vomelette

While unable to steal the recipe for the omelette served at the Last Breakfast from the OO, I'm certainly at no loss when it comes to some egg-stravagant egg dishes. This is one of my favorites for after a night of heavy drinking. It's easy to make, and all the grease will either soak up the alcohol or help you chuck it up.

· 6 Eggs, medium large
· 1 Cup Meat Jelly
· 1 Cup Petroleum Jelly
· 1/2 Cup Sawdust
· 2 Tbsp Aim Toothpaste

Take half the Petroleum Jelly and use it to coat the most indestructible pan that you have. This will ensure that no matter how hungover you are, the vomelette will not burn and stick to the pan. Then, in a shallow dish, beat the eggs (don't worry about leaving the shells in - they just add texture) together with some of the sawdust for added texture. The dryness of the sawdust will make a nice counterpart to the sliminess of the other ingredients. Pour the egg mixture over the petroleum jelly and heat over maximum flameage (Cuz goddamnit, you want to eat!)
Once the eggs begin to firm up, place the meat jelly and the rest of the sawdust in the center and fold. Take the remaining petroleum jelly and use it to seal the whole fucker in a petroleum jelly cocoon.
Soon the petroleum jelly should begin to pop and hiss, like those Rice Krispy elves on a bad PCP trip. At this point the vomelette should be a deep golden brown. Braise with the Aim toothpaste as a nice minty balancing note to all that meat jelly, and also to impart to the dish the blue-green on copper color that gives it its name.
Split between you and the person you woke up next to - and if you didn't wear a rubber, don't worry: a Verdigris Vemelette also serves as a wonderful "day after" pill.